Melissa Explains It All: Tales from My Abnormally Normal Life by Melissa Joan Hart

Melissa Joan Hart explained it all-from dating to bullies-in her groundbreaking role as Clarissa Darling on Clarissa Explains It All. She cast a spell on millions more viewers as Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. Now, in Melissa Explains It All, Melissa tells the frank and funny behind-the-scenes stories from her extraordinary past and her refreshingly normal present.

Melissa has been entertaining audiences most of her life; when there were no girls named Melissa on her favorite show, the forceful four year old decided she’d get on television her way. From that moment on, Melissa has shown a singular determination and focus-whether it’s for booking three national commercials so her dad would build her a tree house or for nailing the audition for Clarissa.

From her first commercial to her current starring role in ABC Family’s hit Melissa and Joey, Hart never let fame go to her head. She always had one foot in Hollywood and one foot in reality-and still does. Melissa makes us laugh along with her as she talks about:

–guest appearances in shows like Saturday Night Live and The Equalizer
–auditioning for Punky Brewster and Clarissa
–her early Broadway days
–wacky parties she’s thrown and attended
— the actors who influenced her and whom she befriended, worked with and competed against
–her experiences both on and off-set-with Sabrina‘s Salem the Cat and Elvis the Alligator on Clarissa
–how she met the love of her life at the Kentucky Derby

Melissa Joan Hart explains all that she’s learned along the way-what’s kept her grounded, normal and working when others have not been so fortunate-and that she’s the approachable, hilarious girl-next-door her fans have always thought she’d be.

My Thoughts

Brace yourselves. It’s not gonna be pretty.

For someone who is a HUGE fan of MJH I was so disappointed and heartbroken after reading this book. If Melissa was a politician this would be her mud-slinging debut.

It’s absurd the amount of name dropping MJH does. It’s not even needed. Tell your story without being a total bitch to people. You don’t have to name drop every page. You don’t have to say someone’s unattractive just to make yourself look good…because it doesn’t.

I swear the only thing I took from this is that MJH was proud of herself and full of herself. She bashes people who really have no affect on her story. She also has a weird love/hate relationship with her mom. She loves her mom but complains non-stop about how she raised and managed her career. It gets exhausting having her complement and then berate her mother. Do you like her? Do you hate her? Do you meh her? Just tell me without being cryptic. I couldn’t tell you if she likes her mom or not..or if she just tolerates her.

I did enjoy hearing about Sabrina and how she got her acting parts like Clarissa. I like that she tried and stayed grounded but from the book, it just doesn’t come across that way. She comes across as a stuck-up celebrity who is just trying to write a book. It reads like someone who wrote a book to write a book about all the people she’s met along the way and to N A M E  D

I think the one part I can relate to is the motherhood section. Potty training is the worst and teaching someone to poop in the potty is the hardest thing ever, that no one tells you about when you’re like, “Hey, I’m having a kid.” Tell people that part. (I’m doing you a favor now). Motherhood is a bitch but it is the best at the same time and that’s what you get across from Melissa. The crappy parts are mixed in with the good. It’s just how life goes.

I’m not sure why the publisher didn’t tell Melissa how conceited she was coming across. Because for someone who claims she’s down-to-earth and tries to say she never let celebrity get to her, she’s one of the most conceited people on Earth. I think what I’m sad about is that she didn’t even really tell you anything about the roles she’s best known for. She told us crap about Salem the cat, there’s 7 of them -5 real, 2 fake. Who cares? I want to know more about that time. I want to know more about your Clarissa times. Not about how genius your mom is about selling the name and getting it put on air. According to MJH, she has a great work ethic, great, swell. I respect a great work ethic. But come on, for the love of your fans, I don’t care that you did drugs- you’re a celebrity- it’s kind of expected from child actors. I want to know about Clarissa and Sabrina. Especially Sabrina. I loved that show! I still watch reruns when I can. ( I don’t care if you make fun of me for this, Sabrina is the shit).

I could go on, but my kids are being cranky…so nap time for all! Just believe me when I say, I wasted a good week of my life on this book. Yes, a week. Forever in the time of reading. I just couldn’t stop because I was HOPEFUL for it to get better.

Spoiler: It didn’t.

2 out 5 stars.



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